Have you ever watched someone and admired a particular skill they have or how they handle a situation and later find out they have also admired certain abilities you have? Without even realizing it, you’ve engaged in mutual coaching. Learning is about give and take, and many times it doesn’t go one way.
Although a lot can be learned from observation, it’s often desirable to receive feedback from others. The thing about feedback is, it can be delivered in a variety of ways. Some believe that blatant criticism works best. While some prefer a heavy hand and others are willing to overlook bluntness and take what’s useful from criticism, others still are more apt to respond to a smoother approach.
If you’re giving advice, and you genuinely want to help, it’s useful to take a moment to observe and respond to people in a way that not only helps them learn, but doesn’t leave them feeling diminished as a person. I’ve found that taking the time to integrate compassion with criticism leaves me feeling better about myself as well.
Regarding taking advice, compassion goes both ways. If someone tries to help you out, at least thank them for their time and feedback. There’s also a difference between politely disagreeing with someone’s advice and attacking them because you don’t share the same point of view. Of course that also goes both ways. If someone doesn’t agree with your advice, in particular if that advice is unsolicited, try not to take offense if they politely indicate that it doesn’t work for them. They might have good reasons for not taking it.
I’ve been on both sides. I’ve made mistakes both ways and have taken the brunt of other’s mistakes. That’s also part of the learning process. For me, I’ve found that courtesy isn’t a waste of time, whether I’m getting paid to do a job or exchanging advice during my free time. To me, helpful advice isn’t only about getting the job done. It’s about how you feel about yourself afterward.
Find out how other authors feel about giving and taking advice in the MFRA’s 52 Week Blog Challenge.
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You are SO right on the compassion part! Also, nobody likes the ‘I told you so…’, even when they know it’s coming.
I try not to seethe when I’m just venting (usually online) about writerly frustrations we all encounter, and someone offers advice instead of commiseration. Especially when the advice is aimed at a beginning writer. Ugh. I usually remember to specify that I’m just venting, but some folks don’t understand that concept.
Courtesy is always appropriate; however, some of us never mastered tact. My efforts at tact always fall short.
Compassion does go a long way. So true>> Helping someone doesn’t mean to diminish them.